dear people who keep making bad superman movies:
look, i get it: superman as a character can be pretty hard to make an audience relate to because he’s, you know, a super man! he has the powers, we know not of them, and while the interesting angle on superman is definitely his humanity y’all keep getting that really wrong, like shamefully wrong, but it’s okay, i understand, it’s hard to write, the shadow of the great christopher reeve movies, shhh, shhh. it’s gonna be okay, let me explain you a thing, there’s an easy solution, you just make this movie:
we open on a twelve year old lois lane in the aftermath of a FUCKSHIT CATASTROPHE. something disastrous has gone down — maybe it’s a massive oil spill, maybe it’s a situation reminiscent of the erin brockovich scandal, this is just a vague concept sketch, fill in what you want. the important part is: it’s a big bad corporate fuckup of the sort that we’re all too familiar with these days, and it’s got lexcorp written all over it. our first introduction to lois is watching her get approached by a patronizing, downtalking reporter and, all of twelve years old, step up to the fucking plate and take him and the company to task in the public eye. she’s the most poised and professional and pissed as fuck twelve year old you’ve ever seen, and she knows her facts, too. the reporter is impressed, but not as impressed as we, the audience, are as we watch her reign back her fear and do whatever she can to help her family, friends, and community.
sharpcut to a guy in a dead run down a back alley; he’s sweating and looking over his shoulder, clearly being chased. the camera pans out to reveal a daily planet logo — because, hey guys, the year is 2013, so the planet’s a 24 hour news network* now. you can argue new york times parallels all you want but the truth is that if superman’s looking for a job where he can a) be apprised of what’s going down with maximum speed and b) have an excuse to be on the scene immediately? then in this day and age he sure as shit ain’t working for print media; fight me. and you know what else, maybe clark’s a fucking camera man because he’s not actually great at reading or writing news because YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES CHARACTERS RELATABLE AND INTERESTING TO HUMAN BEINGS IS FLAWS, F L A W S, THAT IS THE THING YOU KEEP FORGETTING AND IT’S WHY SUPERMAN MOVIES KEEP BEING PAINFULLY BORING, ugh, whatever, moving forward.
So. Between this and the Hello Tailor review… I’m thinking I’ll just give Man of Steel a miss.
Speaking of writing-type things, I think part of my problem is that while everyone else seems to revel in the chance to torture their characters every chance they get, I mostly want to wrap my favorite characters up in a blanket and feed them hot cocoa and make sure they get all the friends and cuddles and good things in the world. And that doesn’t really make for good stories, now, does it?
I need to figure out how one acquires this sort of gleeful torture-loving personality.
I have this problem too. Perhaps we need some sort of character-torture support group?
Yay! You’re back! Congratulations, my dear, and I’m so glad you’re happy. And hooray for a holiday in Scotland. I bet it will be awesome.
Thank you! I am glad to be back.
I am SO glad we didn’t decide to go on our trip straight away? We came home last night and just wanted to collapse. (Plus we left the house in total disaster mode.) It will be so great to be able to recover a little and have energy for our trip.
Welcome back, congrats on the nuptials! :D
Thank you very much!
ooh congratulations! very exciting!
Thank you! It was pretty exciting :) and we were so happy with how smoothly the whole thing went. It was a blast.
I’m back! And married and stuff. Very tired, but happy!
I’ll be vanishing again soon when we go on holiday to Scotland, but meanwhile I’m back at home and at work for the next couple of weeks! I missed you all.
Anything exciting happen while I was sort-of-gone? (Other than E3, that is. I came back for that.)